I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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