You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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