1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I puked a lego.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize