i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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