i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
