I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize