so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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