What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
