Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
