He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
