i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I deserve this hangover.
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