she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
