Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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