I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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