Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
