I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My pussy is not your playground.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
