I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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