Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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