I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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