i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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