And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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