so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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