Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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