The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
