There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
