OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
