They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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