I CAN MOONWALK!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize