Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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