The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
