the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
