She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
