took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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