I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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