did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize