So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
