I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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