i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
