Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
