Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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