A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize