my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
