Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
