You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
