We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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