All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
