i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
