Sponge bath it is.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
