doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
