And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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