I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
