Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize