awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize