Moan for me like Helen Keller
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
