you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
