How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
