They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
