I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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