Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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