when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
