I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So much rum. So many feels.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize