i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
