So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
