never play flip cup with pint glasses
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize