i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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