so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
