Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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