I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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