I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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