it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
