so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
