he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
